The Hogwarts News
by ProngsandPadfootsayhello
Summary: The Golden Trio try to have a news station...how do they cope? BEWARE REALLY RANDOM! PARODY...just for fun! Read and Review!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Let's see…for some reason I have to put here that I'm not J.K. Rowling. Are people that thick?

Author's note: Really Random story popped into my head during a history test. Here are the results.

The Hogwarts News

**Important News Intro**

Harry: Hello and welcome to The Hogwarts News. I'm Glufenfart Pifds and…wait a minute!! That's not my name!! I'm Harry Potter!! Boy Wizard!!

Hermione: Congrats Harry, you finally found out your name.

Ron: Wait…I thought his name was Glufenfart Pifds!?

Hermione: While these two dimwits over here finally introduce themselves, we'll have more news after the break.

**Important News Ending**

Commercial Break 

Snape: (Sees Snape walking in green sparkly Speedo's)

Dumbeldore: (Dressed in gold sparkly Speedo's) Oh no!! This horrid sun is burning my skin and turning it red!! Whatever shall I do?

Snape: Here. (Hands Dumbeldore pink bottle that reads: Snape Spa. Squeezes out poop like cream) Try new Snape Spa Tanning lotion. It even stays on in the water. Look. (Snape turns around and his butt reads: Go Slytherin! He dives into lake.)

Dumbeldore: Oh my!

Snape: (Giant squid picks up Snape and begins throwing him around. He begins screaming like a little girl)

Fast Talking Person: Snape Spa Tanning lotion is not giant squid manure. It does not and will not attract female squids near you or to you. 50 galleons plus shipping and handling. Not sold to Harry Potter.

Harry: Hey!! I want squid manure too!! (Throws a fit)

Commercial Break over 

**Important News Intro**

Hermione: We have just had breaking news. Severus Snape, Head of Slytherin House has just been attacked by The Giant Squid, which ironically, was attracted to his new product, Snape Spa Tanning Lotion. Now here's Ron with more news.

Ron: (sucking thumb)

Hermione: RON!!!

Ron: (takes thumb out of mouth) WHAT?! IS IT NOW ILLEAGAL T SUCKS MY THUMB NOW??

Hermione: Ugh…nothing. Harry, do you have the story about Snape?

Harry: (spinning in chair) Huh?

Hermione: Well folks, this is the news for today. Come back tomorrow for more Hogwarts News!!

Author's note: So…what did you think? Pretty good right? Right? U know what would be better?? If you pressed the little purple button and give two minutes of your life to me, that way I can store it in my attic and rule the universe!!! MWHAHAHA!! Ok evil moment over…Any ideas please contact me…ok? Ok. Enjoy life. Bye


	2. Interviews with the unexpected

Disclaimer: You see…if I was J.K. Rowling, I would have made a story about Lily and James, Sirius, and Remus. Not about Harry. Which then means that I'm not her.

Author's Note: Hey!! It's me again and have fun reading The Hogwarts News!!…Crowd cheers It's gonna get really crazy and random…so…ENJOY!!! Ok people…you can stop cheering now!!..Crowd stops

Important News Intro 

Harry: Hello, I'm Harry Potter and-

Ron: No…you're Gluenfart Pidgs

Hermione: Ignore him Harry, he just wants attention.

Ron: I DO NOT!! (Stands up and is wearing a pink shirt that says: Pay attention 2 me!)

Harry: Hey!! Where'd you get that? I want one!!

Ron: This? I got it in the girl's department at Witch Chic.

Hermione: You can talk about your pink, girly, lacy shirts later! We have to interview people today!!

Harry: Really? Who?

Ron: Yeah!!

Hermione: Harry's first, but we can stay with him during the interview.

Ron: That's no fair!! I want to interview people too!! (Throws a fit)

Harry: Whom am I interviewing?!! (Starts screaming)

Hermione: Voldemort.

Ron: (hides behind chair) Where?

Harry: Who's he?

Hermione: (gasps) Harry!! You, of all people should know who Voldemort is!! You've had to fight him face-to-face how many times?

Harry: Um…no. Not Really.

Ron: He's the big white guy that has no nose!! He has skin color like pus!!

Hermione: …

Harry: …

Ron: Well, it's true!!

Hermione: Oh look!! Here he is now!! Welcome Voldemort!!

Voldemort: Avada Kedrava!!

Hermione: (drops dead)

Ron: NO!!! HERMIONE!! I LOVE YOU!!!

Hermione: (comes back from the dead) NOOOOOOOO!!!!! (Dies again)

Harry: So…this is a bit awkward…you know. I mean, what do you do when some big white guy with no nose and has skin color like pus just killed your best friend?

Ron: I thought I was your best friend?! (Sniffles)

Harry: You!!! I hate you!! Your so annoying!! The only reason I can stand to be around you is because your sister is so hot!!

Voldemort: Ouch.

Harry: You! I want no comment!!!

Ron: (turned emo) well then…life has no purpose. Bye Harry. (Pulls out banana and pretends to shoot himself)

Harry: Who knew red heads could be emo?

Ron: I knew!! I said so!!

Voldemort: Are you going to ask me questions or not? I have plans.

Hermione: Like what? (Returns from dead)

Ron: Yeah. Like what? (No longer emo and loves life)

Harry: What they said.

Voldemort: The Dark Lord will not tell anything to the mudblood, the bloodtraitor, and the Potter boy.

Harry: Wait…weren't you a muggleborn too? YOU HYPOCRTIE!!!

Voldemort: How dare you speak to the Dark Lord like that! (Slaps Harry like a girl)

Ron: You know, Voldy, you hold your wand sorta gay-like, you know.

Voldemort: How did you know? Pshhh…I'm not gay!! Who would say something like that?

Dumbeldore: I take that to be offensive!!

Snape: (comes in wearing his green sparkly Speedo's) I, first of all, would like to clear the air and say that I am not Harry's father! Although there is a chance…

Harry: (faints)

Ron: (throws up)

Hermione: (dies again)

Voldemort: That's just gross. (Leaves room)

Dumbeldore: Well…that's all we have for today. Come back tomorrow for more Hogwarts News!!

Important News Ending 

**Author's Note: Ok…the banana part is what my friend says. Were weird like that. Any ideas? Please tell me and I will put them in the latest story of Hogwarts News!!…Crowd cheers**


End file.
